Entry 3: Just A Friend

 

November 22, 2012 

New semester, new year, new JJ. My freshmen year was a little more intense than it should have been, but I guess that is life for ya. I have decided that this year I'm not even gonna deal with the guys here anymore until my life gets back on the right track. I was even hype about my english class even though english isn’t my forte in school. Nevertheless, like I said “new JJ”. While walking to class,  I pass by a familiar face that I haven’t seen since  high school . I turned around and I couldn't believe it. “Jason,” I called out.

 A 6’2 white skin short hair guy  turned around  towards me and said “holy crap JJ i low-key forgot you went to this school. How have you been?”

I didn’t take offense that he forgot I went here, because I seriously forgot that he went to this school as well. “I'm good, what about you?  How is Kelsi? (his Girlfriend)” I asked.

He put his head down and answered ” We broke up at the beginning of summer.” 

I felt awkward that I even brought her up. “Dang I’m sorry to hear that,  but hey, single life is not that bad.”  I tried to chuckle, but it just made things  more awkward. The teacher opened the door so the students and I went ahead into the class. We sat across the room from each other, and I thought that was that until.

Zzz zzz

Zzz zzz

My phone started to buzz and I saw on my phone that Jason sent me a text on messenger. 

-Is it just me or is this teacher so corny that it can make you laugh- 

I looked in his direction,  and saw him chuckle, making me chuckle. I responded back

-yeah I bet he’s thinking that we are laughing with him not at him- 

-right-

-lol- 

 After class we went our separate ways and went on with our lives. After that day we didn’t really text each other unless it was about homework or we were in class, which mostly consisted of dad jokes and classwork so it wasn’t serious. Around Halloween weekend Brooklyn, Zori, Lottie and I were in my dorm room studying and doing homework with my music from my laptop playing. I was about to change my song until-

    Zzz zzz

    Zzz zzz

I looked  at my phone and to my surprise it was Jason text via messenger. I wonder why he is texting me. I'm pretty sure we don’t have any homework today or do we? I picked up my phone to see what he said. 

-hey wyd-

-studying and doing homework- 

-aww that suck I was seeing if you wanna hang out today-

-aww well maybe later if I'm not busy-

-coo ttyl-

-peace-

Two to Three hours later the girls left my room, I was heading to the bathroom to take a shower. By the time I got out of the shower and headed to my room I got a buzz on my phone.

    Zzz zzz

    Zzz zzz   

It was Jason again, but the vibe of the text was different somehow.. 

-Are you single?-

I was very confused on why he was asking me this question, but the guy I see him around from time to time is sorta cute, and I was thinking maybe he was gonna hook up with me dude. 

-Yeah why?- 

-cuz I'm really drunk and you are really cute and I wouldn’t mind see sexy pics of your body… is that weird?- 

Whoa, I was not expecting that, especially not from him. I thought that we were just friends.

-no…text me when you're sober Jason- 

-why? Let's enjoy the now and tbh with you might be the first black girl that I have ever been attracted to. I honestly want to see you naked even when I’m sober-  

He was drunk and I didn't want to be mean,  so I tried to throw in subtle hints that I was not interested without him feeling embarrassed about this. 

-that good to know and I appreciate that I’m the “first black girl that you're attracted to but youre drunk and I’m about to go to bed tonight.

-before you do you should send me a pic of your boobs at least. I stare at your body all the time in class I swear. Can you at least show me them and I’ll leave you alone I swear-
-yeah that is something I don’t do especially for guys that are drunk-

I threw my phone on my bed and continued to get ready for bed and grab my laptop and head to my bed. There were about five or six times that my phone was buzzing while I was getting ready for bed. I glanced at my phone when I got on my bed. Jason keeps begging me to send a pic. The last thing I need is a beggar asking for something he can’t have. 

-look, I’m not sending a pic that is something I just don’t do sorry-

He responds with 

-But I’m so horny and right now and thinking thing I can think about is you-

I had to pause for a second cause I was getting really annoyed so I just wrote, 

-Then go jack off or take a cold shower or something.-

-Well send me something and I will-

The next thing I know I see a dick pic on my phone. When I saw it I quickly covered my hand over it and it almost made me gag. What the fuck? I thought as a flashback popped into my head the last time I saw his penis some kids panted him (pulled down his pants as a joke) at a party and I turned my head then.  

I was so perplexed by what I saw on my phone. How the fuck did this convo happen? Did I lead him on or something? I didn’t know what to do.

-you know what, I’m gonna do you a favor and forget what I just saw cause you're drunk. Text me when you're sober-

 -Come on girl, don’t be like that you know you flt that connection between us-

At that moment I was completely done with him and was not gonna entertain his drunken foolishness. 

-Text me when you're sober friend goodnight.-

I turned my phone off and went to sleep hoping that was the end of that. Boy was I wrong. When I woke up the next morning and turned my phone on, my phone started to buzz like crazy.  Four texts from Brooklyn to our group about a Halloween party tonight, two from Lottie about how she left one of her notebooks in my room when we were studying, and two from Zori Rain responding to the group text. However there were about 8 unread texts from Jason asking me to send nudes and that “I know” that “I wanted” to climb on top and ride him like a cowgirl . Like damn dude was I your only entertainment last night? I thought to myself after responding to the group telling them that I’m staying in and playing catch up on some homework before classes on monday. Before I got to put my phone down it buzzed again so I glanced at my phone thinking that it was someone in the group responding, but surprise, surprise,  guess who it is? Jason.

- Hey, sorry about last night. I was pretty drunk-

At first I was hesitant about responding back but since he’s apologizing for that cra-cra mess last night I guess we can get past it. 

-So, you do remember? That’s good cause this conversation was about to be awkward lol- 

-tell me about it, but now that I’m sober how about you come over-

“Come over? Why does he want me to come over” I said, confused, wondering why on earth he wanted me to come over to his place. Cause he is tripping if he thinks that he can get a piece of  this. 

-for what- 

-to fuck lol jk-

-too soon bro too soon.- 

-But on a serious note JJ what do you thing of the picture I send you last night I really wanna know what you think-

-Tbh I’ve seen bigger and that not the first time I seen you penis involateerly-

-ohh yeah…- 

I guess that same memory pops into his head. 

- did you still like it-

-I’m shocked that's what I am, I’m guessing what I'm trying to figure out is why me?-

-tbh ever since we had classes together and the more I talk to you the more I realize how sexy and cool you are-

-and you thought the best time to tell me this is when you’re drunk??-

-at least I’m being honest- 

-I’m just surprised that you're told me this-

-Well, sorry about last night again. I know that I’m a shitty person-

-You're not a shitty person, you were just drunk. It happens to the best of us. Don’t feel like that- 

-But I showed you my dick. That is so embarrassing- 

-don't be embarrassed, it was harmless to me trust me I do worst drunk and I’m a very understanding person, so you're completely fine- 

-for you it might not be cause you didn’t send anything -

-That is because 1.I have rules against that, 2.You were drunk and 3. I only see you as just a friend.-

-so there is no way that you would see me more than that Ja’niece?-

-no 5 sorry- 

-that’s okay-  

After that he didn’t text me the rest of the weekend. When Monday came my mind was full with questions wondering how I was gonna see him face to face. In class I kept catching myself looking at him just thinking does he really check me out during class? I mean I know that I am a boss ass bitch but still are we gonna have the “boundaries talk” to my questionable friend or is this just a misunderstanding and it was just the liquor talking? No matter what the answer was, I had to know. 

-So just out of curiosity do you really be checking me out during class?-

As soon as I sent it I looked at him to see his reaction to my question. 

-huh what are you talking about? -

At first I thought that he was joking cause the next day I clearly remembered him said that he remembered our convo.

-I’m sorry I thought you said remember what you told me this weekend after begging my to take some nudes which I refused to do.-

-when did I say that 

-Friday-

-ohh I was pretty drunk this whole weekend and completely blackout-

Okay… I feel like that was bullshit but okay I play along.

-well I suggest that you should read those text messages cause I know the ones that you sent me was something else especially that dick pic.-

-Dick pic? I definitely don't remember sending that and apparently I deleted all my text from this weekend-

Okay now I know that bullshit but again if this is how he wants to play fine with me. 

-do you still have them?

-yeah 

-do you mind sending them to me?

So I screen shot all the messages from him and me and sent them to him. I turned my head back to his direction. All I saw was his head down with shame. 

-oh wow I am soo sorry JJ I hope you don’t look at me differently 

-you was drunk so I’m not gonna hold it against you 

-so are we still friends- 

-yeah we’re still friends but just be clear you don’t have any underground feelings for me right- 

- None whatsoever I actually like someone else 

-okay good cause I don't need anymore awkward convos like this lol-

-tell me about it lol-

After that I tried to text him a few times but he just completely ghosted me, and when we were in class he pretends that I’m invisible or something. However, after that day only words to describe my thought process of that weekend what the fuck just happen? I ask did I lead him on by accident or what. I guess what I’ve learned from this is that when it comes to guy friends I have to clarify that we are just friends.